Hello everyone, welcome to my story blog, e l l a - e n c h a n t e d. My name is Ella, some of you may know me from my other blog Art Angel. I am a Christian and a Filipino. I have a passion for all things Asian and a love for good food. My pastimes include reading, writing, watching, and learning new languages.
This site has been inspired by
Pheb's Story blog and is similar in set up. It's 3 major function is to p r o m o t e my fanfics, s h a r e ideas for new stories, and g a i n constructive criticism for my works. Once I've uploaded the majority of the links, I'm also planning to add another section, where original and innovative fanfics, posters, and trailers will be posted. Also, I would like to acknowledge
velvet-
sky for sharing this amazing blogskin! Thank you all for visiting and hope to see you guys again.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Title: Saved By An Angel
Author: rgpponci
Reviewed by: keemirain
Appearance (Poster, BG, font etc.) : 7/10
Nice but it is not expressive enough, one might say. The other poster was okay and honestly I favored that one than the current. The font color and the background doesn’t clash and it doesn’t hurt the eye, very readable though I think another color theme would suit better for this kind of plot.
Title: 4.5/5
Eye-catching, nice sensible ring to the ears. I loved the soft vibe it kept omitting but the title isn’t really original. It sounds cliché but still, I liked it.
Forewords (Introduction): 10/10
Nicely done. It was intriguing and reflected the plot of the story. It was also very vague, which held the element of suspense in place. Job well done.
Characters (Description): 7/10
They weren’t very defined and as I read on, Erika’s behavior contradicted with some parts of the story. Erika is an impulsive girl, cute and has a little child deep down inside her heart. All I can pull out from this story is that she’s typically happy; typical normal household, typical working parents and typical sibling relationship. I can relate to why she’s feeling empty inside, that is something very understandable but I can’t put my finger on her personality. She’s just normal. Dull and typical.
Now Hiro; he plays the hero’s role. You connected his past to Erika. His personality, as well, is not very defined. He was a weak child physically, his first love committed suicide and he is lonely. Hiro is caring, he falls in love easily and would sacrifice everything for the person he loves. All of that typed, I cannot really ‘feel’ him in this story— until he died, of course. It felt like you were holding back; it felt like you didn’t want to unleash both of the major character’s true personality. I sense so much, expected so much from these two. I understand, because you closely relate them to death that they become these two impassive characters but that is not an excuse for you to not give them your all.
Erika is impulsive; TELL me that— with powerful writing, expressive words and gestures. Hiro, well, he’s done enough but you should CONVEY me his feelings, let the readers feel his pain, his sacrifice. Only typing what he did isn’t enough; you have to DESCRIBE him more intricately.
Creativity (The Plot): 14/15
I’ve never read anything like this but I think this plot is usually used in movies and such. I think the twists were all there and I liked it. Only, you didn’t describe the story well.
Writing Style: 11/15
Understandable and neat but again, it would boost your marks if you described everything more intricately. I’m sure with a little description— of the character’s feelings and everything, this piece could be….. an amazing one. What you have written is superb as it is but I can’t ‘feel’ it. I really couldn’t.
Flow: 15/15
Everything went well and accordingly.
Spelling/Grammar: 10/10
No problem here. Just…. describe more and you’ll be a-okay!
Overall Story/Enjoyment: 4/10
I didn’t really enjoy it because I didn’t ‘feel’ enough. I feel like your story lacks something, like the emotions portrayed weren’t enough.
Total: 82.5/100
Read this story: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/rgpponci02/
7:12 PM
